Author   Date   Quotation

John Wilkes Booth, who, as a member of a Virginia militia company, had stood guard near the scaffold when John Brown was hanged.   exact date unknown   John Brown was a man inspired, the grandest man of this century!

from NY Times online

Dr. Walker Fields       Organizations are detrimental to the mental (health) of their employees. There is no company I know of which enhances personal growth. Employees are inevitably victimized by petty territorialism, political regimes, and/or self-serving supervisors.

Arthur C. Clarke
"Profiles of The Future"
(Clarke's third law)
  1961   Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

        As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? Think about it -- it was written by very smart people, it's served us well for over two hundred years, and besides, we're not using it anymore.

John Waters   1981   I pride myself on the fact that my work has no socially redeeming value.

Dennis Ritchie       UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Shirley Temple       I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.

Unknown       Wherever God erects a church, the Devil builds a chapel, and the latter has the larger congregation.

Ruth Gramolini   19 Mar 2002   It is hard being a single mom but easier than marrying a jerk.

Rex Harrison       Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what's wrong with it.

Rachel Carmichael   200?   Cats sleep 20 hours a day to rest up for the night when they sleep the remaining 4 hours.

Brian Livingston   January 23, 2003   In a recent financial statement, Microsoft revealed for the first time that desktop Windows makes a profit margin of more than 85 percent. To put this in personal terms, for every dollar you spent licensing the OS last year, Microsoft spent less than 15 cents on all Windows packaging, marketing, and, oh yeah, improving the product.

Setting aside just 1 cent of each dollar would create a fund of $29 million a year. That'd pay a lot of outside security auditors, don't you think?

from infoworld.com

Jim Wallis (of Sojourners)       finding common ground often requires moving to higher ground.

Raymond Shaw
The Manchurian Candidate
  1962   There are two kinds of people in this world: Those that enter a room and turn the television set on, and those that enter a room and turn the television set off.

Martin Luther King Jr.       In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Unknown       Those who hate war the most are those most schooled in it's use.

Phyllis Diller       What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Robert A. Heinlein       Love your country, but never trust its government.

Louis B. Mayer       They'd stone Christ if he came back and spoke for four hours.

Sam Brown       Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Richard Matheson       It doesn't have to make sense. The mere fact that you exist means somebody out there hates your guts.

Thornton Melon
(Rodney Dangerfield)
Back to School
  1986   The shape I'm in, you could donate my body to science fiction.

        There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary code, and those who don't.

Tom Dannenbaum   April 16, 2001   I doubt if my sophisticated urban hipsterness can quite deal with the simple optimism of my early works.

(source: Adam Bell)
  May 8, 2002   A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'That was f*cking awesome'.

Lynda Barry
  1999   Even though she was an evil fungus growing on two-hundred pounds of irritated lard, her feelings were real.

Socrates   (470-399 BC)   Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.

Admiral Hyman Rickover       Good ideas are not adopted automatically. They are driven into existence by courageous impatience.

Howard Sharp       There are no U-Haul's behind hearses.

Camille Paglia       There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper.

Andy Engel   May 15, 2002   Save early, save often....if not have a box of kleenex available.

Charles de Gaulle       Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.

Andrew Young on
"Meet the Press"
  July 21, 1996   Unless Jesus was lying, the entire Christian Coalition is going to hell.

Homer Simpson       God bless those pagans.

Amy Darnell   July 23, 1997   Christianity is not a backstage pass for hatred.

Unknown       Scientology may be the first religion laughed out of existence.

Robert Wilensky
University of California
      We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Oscar Wilde       I have discovered that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of drunkenness.

Unknokwn       You can have it done right, done cheap, or done fast. Pick any two.

Philip Guedalla       Any stigma will do to beat a dogma.

Albert Einstein       I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

Mark Twain       A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

General W. Sherman       If I owned Hell and Texas, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.

Andy Mays       My old man was always fond of saying, "You can't blackmail a man who doesn't give a shit."

Guy Ruth Hammond       In an ideal world the management understand when & why, the developers understand what, and the dba understands how. In the real world, the dba does all three.

Jayne Kulikauskas       It makes a big difference if we think of God as a person or as a force. One way you get Christianity, the other you get Star Wars.

Eleanor Roosevelt       A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she is put into hot water.

Jeseph Joubert       It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.

Unknown       If you're not part of the solution....you're part of management.

Margaret Mead       The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

 The following quotation is a fabrication. But it's still funny!
Petronius Arbiter   210 B.C.   We trained hard, but it seemed that everytime we were beginning to form up into teams, we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization.

 The following quotation is a fabrication. But it's still funny!
Monica Lewinsky       I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me.


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