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Call of Cthulhu

Humor

Found on the internet....

ANNOUNCER 1:	"It's a beautiful day for a fight here at R'Lyeh!"

ANNOUNCER 2:	"It sure is Steve! How do the fighters look today?"

A1:	"It's an amazing match-up we've got here, Bob! Warming up in the far corner is Elric, Emperor of Melnibone, and he looks to be in top form! He's been training for this bout all year, and don't forget he's one aspect of the Eternal Champion."

A2:	"How could I? He's got an undefeated record! Quite the warrior, Steve!"

A1:	"He sure is! But, I've heard he's been leaning pretty hard on that sword of his lately--"

A2:	"Stormbringer!"

A1:	"That's the one, Bob! The good word is that he wouldn't be half the warrior he is without Stormbringer as a crutch! And don't forget it's sunny today--"

A2:	"You don't want to forget about that albinism, Steve."

A1:	"You sure don't. And THERE'S the contender!"

A2:	"The Mighty Cthulhu, High Priest of the Old Ones! Look at that--his fans just love him!"

A1:	"Yes, Bob, I can smell the fish from here!"

A2:	"So how does Cthulhu stack up, Steve?"

A1:	"Well, he's got a good record, no defeats in the last few millennia, and only a couple of draws!"

A2:	"And in fairness to the contender, they did use a nuke on him in his last bout, isn't that right Steve?"

A1:	"It sure is, Bob, but you wouldn't know it to look at him now."

A2:	"So what are the odds-makers in Vegas saying, Steve?"

A1:	"Hard to say, Bob--every bookie and odds-maker in the world snapped his own neck last Tuesday when the bout was announced!"

A2:	"Risks of the job, eh Steve?"

A1:	"You got that right! Well, Cthulhu has the definite advantage in height and reach, but he hasn't been training like he should. Just look at him! Gelatinous and flabby! He won't even acknowledge the crowd! They're all bugs to him!"

A2:	"Well, he IS eating the people in Section D!"

A1:	"They knew what they were paying for when they bought their tickets! I spoke with Cthulhu's trainers, but I didn't get much out of them, Bob!"

A2:	"No mouths, Steve?"

A1:	"Not as we know them, Bob! I did learn that Cthulhu's been sleeping for strange aeons when he should have been hitting the gym."

A2:	"Well, he's still a crowd favorite! Speaking of the crowd, they've started to chant something--can you make it out, Steve?"

A1:	"Hell if I know, Bob--it's got no vowels! The sun has turned green, though, so you tell me!"

A2:	"These two fan favorites are facing off! And there's the bell! Its unearthly tones have smashed the minds of about a third--"

A1:	"I'd say about half--"

A2:	"--About half of the Melniboneans in the crowd! But the star spawn seem to be really into it!"

A1:	"And the fight has begun! The two contenders are squaring off and OHHHH!!!!!"

A2:	"CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!? CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!"

A1:	"Ladies and gentleman, Elric has been swallowed up by an acute angle that's behaving as if it's obtuse! This is outrageous!!"

A2:	"That non-Euclidean geometry gets 'em every time, Steve!"

A1:	"I guess Cthulhu was really counting on that home field advantage, Bob!"

A2:	"Wait a minute, Steve, we're getting a ruling... Yes, Elric has been disqualified! He's nowhere to be found in the known universe!"

A1:	"Ah, but I betcha he'll be back, Bob!"

A2:	"That goes without saying, Steve! He is the Eternal Champion, after all. I wouldn't rule out a rematch!"

A1:	"Well, the crowd's going wild! It's a circus of unnatural carnage down there!"

A2:	"And look at Cthulhu! He doesn't even seem to care!"

A1:	"He'll make a fine champ!"

A2:	"He sure will, Steve, but I'll tell you who can't be too happy--the promoter!"

A1:	"Too true, Bob. The fight lasted barely a minute, and some people sacrificed a lot--"

A2:	"--of people!"

A1:	"Certainly; --to be here tonight! They don't look happy! I'm hearing there's already talk of a fix, Bob!"

A2:	"Yes, well Steve, I think everyone's agreed that Don King's got a lot to answer for."

A1:	"And that's it for us here at the Sunken City Arena of R'Lyeh. This is Steve Yyrkoon--"

A2:	"And this is Bob Pickman--"

A1:	Signing off. We now go to the post-bout wrap-up, with your hosts, Nyarlathotep and the Chaos Lords. God Bless and Sleep Tight."

A2:	"As if that were possible!"

BOTH:	"Good night!"

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